September 27, 2011
I forgave you for standing me up when you were suppose to see me. Pretended like nothing was wrong and putting up a fake smile to make you happy. What do I get in return? Assumptions and words of pain making me feel as if I did something wrong. Am I doing something wrong?
July 28. 2011
I forgave you for standing me up when you were suppose to see me. Pretended like nothing was wrong and putting up a fake smile to make you happy. What do I get in return? Assumptions and words of pain making me feel as if I did something wrong. Am I doing something wrong?
July 28. 2011
It used to be all about me and doing whatever it takes to make me smile.
June 08. 2011
Why must i feel so alone. It's been a couple weeks since I've had this feeling and it doesn't seem to get anywhere. Everything I do, I do it for you. When it comes to me being upset now, no one ever tries to help. Instead of comforting me, you try to leave. Whats up? I'm laying by myself, I want to be in your arms. I'm sitting up on your bed, I just want to be in your arms. Why can't you get that? Everywhere I am, I just want to be with you but it seems like you don't appreciate it when I'm around anymore. Am I doing something I'm not suppose to do? I'm I making some kind of mistake I don't know about? Or is it a mistake to be noticed for once? WHERE IS MY PRINCE? You fixed the problem about keeping words, you do keep your words now. But where is the love in the air? I try to help and all I get is snapping and yelling, making me feel like I'm not appreciated and just a stupid outsider. Who am I to you? Everytime you snap, why must I look back to the past when you were still on shit? That's what you used to do. I feel like a little doll being made fun of every second even if it's a joke, Everything I do is wrong, & I must get a complaint. Is it suppose to be like this? :'/
May 21, 2011
Watching you sleep is oh so lovely, but it's been a week since you've been sleeping for a whole day or so. I miss times we have, but with you sleeping, what is there to do. There was a final CIF game today and I missed out because you didn't feel like going. I knew it would be awkward for you so I said it's okay but in reality, it really wasn't, You know I always try to make you happy no matter what. I was kind of upset until you showed up at my door. Yes, you surprised me and it was wonderful. I expected today to be fun because its a saturday. you told me you werent going to say youre tired, but guess what ? you're laying on my bed knocked out. I find it funny, cute, but fustrating. Isn't today suppose to be a day we have together? Don't tell me I honestly skipped and miss out on the CIF's to watch you sleep. It just doesn't seem like you have that energy in you anymore. I don't know what's wrong but... I just don't know.... I feel like we aren't working to make our relationship better. Maybe I shouldnt speak too soon.
April 14, 2011
Girl: Awhhh, you really want me to go with you? (:
Boy: Of course I do, it'll be cute. I want to be with you because I miss you.
Girl: Okays, well I'll ask if I can go. I can't wait to see you !
Boy: Me too (:
Afterschool....
Boy: Hey baby, I'm hanging out with friends right now. I'll call you back later and we'll head to the beach.
I LOVE YOU HUN!
Girl: Hehe, I love you too boo.
2 hours later....
Boy: Hey babe, you don't have to go. My friends are here and they wanted to go to the beach too.
Girl: Oh I seee....
Boy: It's cause since they're already here, I could just give them a ride.
Girl: Okays then.
Boy: I love you boo.
Girl: .... love you too.
Haha, some fucked up shit no? (:
Ohhhhh wellss, thatsss lifee for meeee !
April 13, 2011
Some nights I lay in my bed, hoping my eyes would close so I could eventually fall asleep. The only thing is, I can't close them with tears running down my cheeks. Sometimes I feel like I no longer want to live so I don't have to deal with the same problems over and over. But the person who causes those problems make me the happiest girl alive. So I stand by the quote: " The person who brings you the most smiles can also bring you the most tears." Day by day, I stand strong. I've learned my lesson not to put up a fight, so now you can find me hiding my emotions by day and letting it out by night when I'm all alone. Helping him and keeping a smile on his face, helping his brothers, and helping his family... I would like something in return. That simple something is love. Being loyal, honest, truthful, and respectful tags alone with the word love. Don't doubt because he can show me all the love he has. But it's only that certain moment where we can sit down and talk about how much we love each other. When he's gone, I feel like I'm alone. On top of that, insecurity hits and my trust and faith slowly fades away when the truth is revealed. Always will I have to follow my instincts. Never will the truth be said without being asked. I know it isn't a really big deal, but I wish he knew how much it hurts me everytime.
March 31, 2011
I'm tired of lies. What happened to telling me everything?
I guess I don't deserve the truth. I'll live that way.
March 22, 2011
I miss how we used to be; always in smiles and laughter. Don't want to ever put up fights and I don't ever want to be yelling. I hate what I've become...Guess it's my fault if we end up falling apart. I'm sorry for everything babe.
March 18, 2011
You rank things when it comes to spending time with me. Always lagging it and making up excuses afterwards. FOR A FACT; you don't miss me & you sure don't want to see me. Might as well make plans with your friends and not me at all cause now, I see that friends are more important. What else is there to say? Nothing more. Do you really need me?
10:12 pm
I've always wanted to be that little princess ever since I was young. I still remember it clear as water as if it was just yesterday - spinning, twirling, dancing in my dad's long T-shirt which I don't fit as if nothing else mattered in the world. Can I be your princess? Or am I another Cinderella? I know for a fact I'll always be my dad's little princess. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that moment where there was nothing to worry about in life but getting in trouble for not taking a nap in preschool or making a mess painting and drawing. Coloring in rainbows with every single color I can find in a crayon box. Being in a colorful world is where everyone wants to be. The fact that you can always smile and laugh at the smallest things. Laying down in the beautiful green meadows where I would let the wind flow through my hair or staring up at the big blue sky where there's no dark gray clouds but big white puffy ones. Nothing would go on in my mind while I listen to the birds chirp and the grass swaying back and forth. Unfortunately, as you grow up, that's only what you see in the movies. Nothing is ever perfect and life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes I want to get off the ride because I'm so tired of the constant ups and downs and I just feel like barfing and giving up. No matter how hard I try to avoid from doing so, it always comes back. Although it's hard, I try not to give up because I know better will come. I've learned when you want better, you have to fight for it because nothing is free in this world but the air we breathe. Fighting for something is always a hard task to do, but if you have that special someone on your side, its basically your motivation.
So far, its been a struggle to stand on my feet so I rely on letting my words spill. I'm trying to stand, for me, and for the better. Until I can't stand anymore, please help me get back up. I need to get to the other side of the rainbow where the sun shines again.
March 14, 20
Why do I feel like this? There's always that insecurity there no matter where I am, where I go. Sometimes I think about all the good times we had together, then thinking I should give him more time with his friends alone. But when I do, the feeling practically kicks me in the ass and got me worrying all over. I don't have to worry about him around girls, because I know he will be the most loyal guy I'll ever meet. But the definition of loyal isn't simply sticking to one girl and forever be faithful. It means commitment and dedication, even if it means giving his time and things up for her. Making plans with her makes her feel like she's the luckiest girl in the world. Sitting in class, minutes after minutes, hours after hours... just hoping school ended already that way I get to see my love. He says he can't want to see me too. But in the end, it's a lie. Because somehow, he always ends up giving me up for his friends; especially when this day was planned for a while. Then again, I don't want to ruin his days by making him sad and not letting him have his ways because I know he doesn't get his ways often. So I let myself suffer the day at home while he's having fun. Who knows what the word 'fun' can relate to? I don't want to believe it, but my heart tells me some days that he cancels on me, those are the days he went behind my back and smoked. So here I am, plan canceled, sitting at home venting to my blog. That story is just today, but it wasn't long before that he pulled the exact same stunt. He tells me he loves me to death, there's never been a single day he hasn't thought about me, he'd do anything to see me. He loves me without a doubt, but still needs to prove certain points. Of course he though about me, but how long until he forgets that moment? He'd do anything to see me? I don't really think that's true yet. Telling him all this, knowing him, he would practically snap at me and get mad. But what can a girl do but let her feelings and emotions out? I would love to ask: Does he know I love him to death? Or does he think it's a joke to me? I gave up all my friends to be with him even if he didn't ask me to just so he can be with his. After leaving to Century, I felt like there was no one left on campus for me to go back to. Fortunately, I still had some friends who understood and helped me through the struggle. Everyday when school would be over, I looked forward to seeing him and spending time in his arms. It's still the same, except I can't be in his arms but to stay in my cold room without company. With the phone right by my side, I never let a minute slip away from replying back every text he sends me. Checking my phone seconds after seconds, I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm just so lost and confused; don't know what to believe and what not to believe. One thing I know is that I put all my effort into trying to believe him with all my heart. It ends up in pieces after pieces. After they're in pieces, they get glued back from the same person that has offered me all his love. Am I too clingy? Am I too demanding? Or am I slowly changing? I noticed I've been changing a lot lately and I want to go back to the way I was. I regret so many things I've done to people and making them frown. I regret so many things. But one thing I don't regret is loving the man that owns my heart right now. I never had the strength to let go no matter how much it hurts me because I know there's something very special about him. I'm slowly learning & I'm going to try and be patient. I just wish he understood how I really felt. Knowing how I feel, I don't want him to feel like letting go. I just want him to realize and help me through this pain instead of running the same cycle over and over again. But like I said, I'll wait. It won't hurt me anymore than it does. Teamwork is all it takes...
November 30, 2010
Wow, tomorrow is already December! Time really does fly because apparently I haven't blogged in a while. It's been a pretty fun and interesting month for me. Yeah there were fights, maybe one actually. But otherwise, every week has been full of laughters with him; whether its staying afterschool, kicking it at his house, or mine. One word that'll probably describe it is ADVENTUROUS. Especially yesterday when we had a moment in tears of joy. Realizing how much we've been through together and how easy it is just to pick up from a fight, move on, and putting smiles on each others faces again. It's all I'm longing to see every single day and It's the same with him. Hmmm, I'm suppose to be doing my APWH homework right now, but as you can see, I'm pretty much a procrastinator. I could really win an award for it, hahas. How was today? It was pretty fun considering the day before. Hope I got him in tears again cause it really shows me that he loves me. I say it's cute. He says its embarrassing, screw him. Hahas, mann...I think I got to stop blogging now because i just got asked... to play LOL [League of Legends] . Geeee....haha. Sorry for the short ass blog. Goodbye for today! Stop by tomorrow, or whenever (:
