The End.

My spring break, my birthday, none of it matters to me anymore. Because remembering it all would be a pain that's unbearable to one. No one remembered my birthday and I didn't get anything as a gift but $20 which I can barely spend on new clothes; not trying to sound like a brat but a couple bucks or a simple happy birthday would've been fine. My mother doesn't trust or understands me, my father always yelling at me, my boyfriend always bitching at me.... so now i ask myself, "who's left?" & "what reason is there to live...?" . Yeah I know there's a bright future ahead but I'm afraid to take that leap because I am not sure if anything would be better. The person who I am most close to and really sincerely understands me is the person that pushes me away as if he doesn't want me in his life. I'm the blame for all the stress I bring to him. So that leads me to blaming myself for it all. I'm not worthy right... ? Everything I do, I do it because I want to. Then again, I don't ever get anything in return or any sort of appreciation. I'm simply the dirt under his shoe. I'm simply another person who doesn't understand him. Simply a loner who likes to be clingy around him... Well, I can say is it's clear he does not appreciate the fact that I appreciate him being here for me all the time and that he's all I got left. But just as that's in my head, he walks out on me and says he's done. He promises me things that he's unable to keep. There are so many broken promises that I can't even remember all of them. But one specific night was my last night as a JV for SGHS Volleyball. I put all my hard effort into making the night beautiful for everyone to see and for everyone to just enjoy a nice evening there at the banquet. He had promised me a month before the event came that he would go, so I paid for his reservation as well as my own. But that night, was the night everyone saw me cry for the very first time. I've always been strong for myself, but it hurt me that he chose to be with his friends over something that meant a lot to me. That's once, and not too long ago, not only did volleyball people see me cry, but the whole school did. I got teachers coming up to me and friends coming up to me asking if I'm okay. And I simply said, "I'm fine." The one person that's suppose to be there and ask if I'm okay is my hubby. Instead of trying to comfort me because of his actions, he tells me I'm only crying for sympathy from others. Every day, I try to smile as if nothing is bothering me and as if my relationship is a healthy one like it used to be. When it hits night time, and I'm waiting for his call or text, my heart would cry out to me and tell me how much pain that it's taken and that it's time to burst. die. fall. Whatever the case is...I would pull out my composition book and re-read all the memorable things he would write and tell me. I would pull out my other composition book and re-read all of the journal entries that I've written in the past. Also, the videos I have on my phone...yeah it serves a purpose. These are the only things I have left of him after he left me to fall on my own through any problems. He's never there for me anymore like he used to tell me. I don't have a shoulder to cry on but a pillow. I don't have anyone to give me a hug so I lay and hug myself. I feel like a punching bag except I'm being attacked verbally every so often for the littlest things I do. Sooner or later, it'll be worn out and I'd be tossed into the trash. But wait, he said I'm already nothing but dog shit under his shoe. Just like what his "about me" on myspace says. I feel like whenever I want to talk to someone about my feelings, I can't come to him because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the person who's suppose to be the one to make me feel safe and comfortable around. That's horrible. I've given chances after chances for his many mistakes which happens to be way worse than what I cause. But I can't ask for a chance because I'm never allowed one. So instead of asking for a chance, I stay quiet and let him say what he wants to say. Let him bag on me to the fullest. Why? Because I love him and I don't want this relationship to end. I want my prince back. I want a boyfriend who would be willing to do anything for me. One that listens to what I have to say and take it into consideration. One that's there to dry my tears up. The one that would surprise me out of nowhere just to see me smile. The one to tell me " Baby I miss you" or "Baby I love you" at the randomest time just so he can assure that i know that. But recently, I've really fallen. And just as I thought, he walked out on me and never came back to pick me up; Officially walked away on April 15, 2012....

What Happened?

Just when I need you the most, you left me to fall on my own.
Just to go out there and have fun, getting all drunk and blown.
Matter of a fact, leave me hanging just so you could go to sleep
While I'm staying up through the night. & what do I do? Weep.

Don't worry baby, I'm just fine. <3

LAST??

I'm not one to ever give up but I guess I'm giving in,
Do me a favor and ask your parents how it feels to fucking win,
Because what happened this week I think I'm losing my mind,
please don't let this shit rewind, come on I wasn't blind,
I knew they didn't even like me from the start,
But I was lucky enough to be the one to grab your heart,
And now It's been like 5 days the longest we've ever been apart,
This stress is building up makes me want to smoke some dope,
Even if I did go smoke there would still be no hope,
For the thread that we're hanging by which once was a rope,
I ran out of things to say drowning in my tears,
I'ma go now so I can buy me 2 bottles of beer.

KLSP FOREVER

I feel the need to apologize for what I did was wrong,
for treating you like shit as if in my heart you don't belong,
because I threw a tantrum like a baby so much for being strong,
like where the hell did my strength go when being jealous was taking over,
thinking I'm going to lose you to some busta,
instead I should have figured out ways to treat you even better,
but I did the complete opposite putting jealous thoughts into my head,
not thinking twice before I spit out every painful words that I said,
making it seem like our love could possibly be dieing or has already been dead,
what the hell am I doing asking you things I already know,
like how my baby girl ain't a ho and my heart she's not letting go,
yet I still question her nonstop constantly thinking she's doing me dirty,
like a split second she would leave me all alone and fly away little birdie,
thoughts like that flows through my mind like you could be heartless and shady,
but those are just thoughts that's why I ask you questions for answers,
so that my thoughts wouldn't eat me up like I'm dieing from cancer,
It's just the thought of you leaving my side my heart just couldn't bear,
losing you and your heart to some other dude is my life's number one fear,
but I know now you wouldn't do me dirty cause i can see that your actions are clean,
and for a fact my shoulders is where your head wants to lean,
so when you show me true love I know exactly what it means,
and I know you can see that I love you as much as you love me,
so forever baby, always KLSP!!!

LOCKED IN MY HEART!!!!

Do you remember before we got together to you i was a mystery,
and you had to figure out whether i was lying or speaking truthfully,
and decide whether to give me a chance must've been pretty scary,
not knowing whether you were going to get hurt or feel love from a player,
but gave me the chance anyways and didn't listen to my haters,
so when we got together you were young just a freshman and i was fifteen,
two different people from two different world showing each other what true love means,
and for someone to replace you is impossible when your my only queen,
so believe me when i say Stephanie Phan only you can be that special lady,
the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with the girl i wanna marry,
plus I'm stingy as hell so forever you'll be mine,
trapped forever in my treasure chest the combination's 1.4.9.

Pocketing Greens

Hell yea it feelz good to b makin sum dough
but in duh end i aint gna spend it on any of them hoes
gurl u gotta kno dat duh money i pocket is fo me to spend on u
guess ur not use to duh change yet i mean it is sumthing new
but i aint a workaholic believe me i kno wen to stop
so i kan take u to duh mall nd let u shop til u drop
so now i hope u kno i wuld rather not work nd spend time wit u every single day
don't frown even if i kant skip work kuhz to see my babie gurl ill figure out a way

FUCK THE BITCH

Its fucked up she don't support you instead said things that made u mad,
like staying with him brings no happiness because that boy is just so bad,
but who the fuck gave her any rights to go judge him by his cover,
and then go off telling you that your love won't last forever,
she don't even know him to tell you your relationship will fall apart,
only you know him well enough to know that he loves you with his heart,
besides she wasn't there from the start to listen to everything he made clear,
he promised to stay here and fight away your fears,
and that this wasn't a game he wouldn't waste your time,
that's why he's up 4 in the morning still trying to write your rhyme,
but that bitch never phased him because you know exactly how he feels,
even if the bitch don't believe in him only you know that his love is real,
so no matter where he is you just got to know he'll never be far,
all you got to do is wish on a star.

FOR MY 2 BABY BROTHER.

Ever since Quan left I've been doing all i can,
For my 2 baby broz I'll lend a helping hand,
But you gotta understand,
that I'm only human and there so much i can do,
i can guide your path correctly but the rest is up to you,
yet don't worry lil' fellaz I'm going to still be here,
do my part as your bro and fight away your fear,
then crack a bear,
keep on pounding til our worries fade away,
if we push through the struggles we will see better days,
it's ok,
so lay and close your eyes clear the thoughts thats in your head,
count a couple of blessings and drift softly to bed,
so remember what i said,
cause i put in all my strength to set a good example as your brother,
and for our father and mother is to make this family stronger,
no matter what situation even if it gets harder,
as long as we overcome our struggles life would only get better.

Behind A Good Man Stands A Good Wife

Do any of you out there believe in love at first sight?
hoping that one day you'll find your soulmate, the one that treats you right
well i didnt, but couldnt believe my eyes
the beauty my eyes locked onto display, no lie
i saw a beautiful goddess with a smile thats bright
didnt think i could get a chance but felt i just might
now we're on our 18th month and strongly still together
even if we fight, we manage to make things better
no matter the struggle, no matter the pain
we still stood our grounds even when it rains
dont care if theres thousands of speed bumps in my life
because they always say behind a good man, stands a good wife.

Don't Imagine Anymore

There were nights i would put bad thoughts into my head,
which made me toss and turn as i lay awake in bed
i did all i can do, even attempted to count sheeps
overall in the end i just cant go to sleep
because of all the bad thoughts, it lowkey brought me fear
just imagine one day when you wake up and i'm no longer here
or out of no where, i poof and magically disappear
the thought of leaving you alone without your knight in shining armor...
would give everybody an advantage to go and try to harm her

so do me a favor boo and don't imagine anymore
strictly truthful words that is coming from the core...
is until the day i die, ill forever be your knight
always will protect you and never leave your sight
so keep in mind B, you're the VIP
In my whole entire life,
don't want no one else but you to be my wife.

A Book To Our Kids

When you feel like you're alone and by yourself to face your fear,
I'll get you back onto your feet cause babie I'm right here
and I aint going no where forever I love you
Plus faith brought us together now we''re stuck in cupids clue
i also want to take this time out to sincerely apologize
for all those tears you shed for me everytime i told you a lie
and htat ugly frown you show when youre suffering through the pain
i dont understand how i can bring sunshine one second then the next i bring you rain
they were foolish acts that shouldnt even happen from the start
now we're 16 months strong forever you own my heart
just keep in your head no bull im forever loyal, so wipe away your worries
our relationship is like a never-ending book to our kids, i'll tell them stories
about the adventures and obstacles we overcame
and it'll remain the same
til the day i die your name will remain in my heart forever tattooed
no other hoes ill be chasing because you'll always be my boo

HIS THOUGHTS!!!

3 days ago, he'll never forget a single word that she said,
every word that she let out will always be stuck in his head,
shedding tears with her while her heart spoke about her pain,
that everyday she feels the same, that her world constantly rains,
telling him that whenever he ain't around she feels like shes alone,
needing his warmth to warm her up whenever shes freezing to the bone,
how much it breaks her heart when they would end their conversations in a fights,
not thinking twice that it could leave his baby girl crying through the night,
as she continues on he lays there quietly but deep down his heart is crushed,
because he tries everyday to show her that he loves her so fucking much,
and to hear her say she feels no love from him it punched him hard in the heart,
literally tearing it into pieces painfully tearing it apart,
now he knows exactly what kind of pain she frequently suffers through,
when its mostly because of him how can he do that to his boo,
so now hes taking his time to express his feelings, letting his emotions go,
and let his princess hear things that she probably doesn't know,
when ever he leaves her at home wondering why he hasn't replied yet,
this is something for her to keep in mind and to never forget it,
when she feels like shes not as important as his friends,
but in the end, shes the one who picks him up and doesn't matter when,
shes the one who comforts him and gets him back onto his feet,
even when he wakes up to a nightmare about to wet his sheets,
she knows exactly what to do to keep his ass focus and on track,
and no other girl in this world that has ever had his back,
on the floor his shadow behind him his baby girl, the sun,
who keeps his head up, stand his guard and never run,
that's why to him his girl is his most valuable princess,
with her next to him he's going to be good with a lot of success,
so he wants to tell his girl,"in the future baby, things will get better, just give it some time,
because anything will get better, if you will forever stay mine."

Forever Tattooed

When you feel like you're alone and by yourself to face your fears
I'll get you back onto your feet cause baby im right here
and i aint goin nowhere, forever i love you
plus faith brought us together, now we're stuck in cupids clue
i also want to take this time out to sincerely apologize,
for all those tears you shed for me everytime i told a lie
and that ugly frown you show when youre suffering thru the pain
i dont understand how i bring sunshine one second and the next i bring you rain
they were foolish acts that shuldnt even happen from the start
now we're 16 months strong, forever you own my heart
just keep in your head no bull, im forever loyal so wipe away your worries
our relationship is like a never ending book to our kids, ill tell them stories
about our adventures and obstacles we overcame
and how ill only hav feelings for you and itll remain the same
til the day i die, your name will remain in my heart forever tatooed
no other hoes ill be chasing cause you'll always be my boo

You're Lilo & I'm Stitch

You're like Lilo and I'm aggressive like Stitch,
come fuck with my wifey, ill fckn shoot you bitch
blast you with my ray gun, you better run
cause my babie shines bright like the Teletubbie sun
You could never deny it, this aint even blues clues
ill always protect you babie like Sulley does for Boo
And never will I ever let go,
and never will i ever go chasing hoes
because we're like Gnomeo and Juliet but a better love story,
and babie dont worry; forever ill be loyal
if it wasnt for you ill be 6 feet below the soil
we talk about marriage babie, lets wait for that
lets grow old together and have us some Rugrats

Your Love Is All I Got

We're more cuter than any couple
We got something way better, not simple
The love we have between us are made for newly-weds
But we aint even married and I can't get you out of my head
What I'm trying to say is we're cute and they're not
I can say fuck the world, cause your love is all I got

We Ain't Falling Apart

I know you may think we're falling apart
but deep down inside from the bottom of my heart,
i know we ain't, it was just a tiny fight
its not new to us, we can make it right
i never will let go even though i did wrong
you got mad i smoked a stoge, what would happen if i would have hit the bong
i don't even wanna know cause that doesn't matter
all i want right now is for us to get better
i've been drowning the whole night and finally went to sleep
knowing in my head that our love is too deep
so please sweetheart, give me a smile hun
or in the end our relationship just wouldn't be fun

I Don't Mean A Single Thing

My sweet angel, I never meant it ever to make you suffer through any kind of pain

whenever you frown the sun disappears eventually it rains
plus it drives my heart insane
when you no longer carry that beautiful smile on your face
i blame myself feeling like a disgrace
to the one i love, my one and only wife
it hurts me so much like it pierced my heart with a knife
but the truth girl growing up i was never really happy
that's why i say harsh things when i get mad and snappy
but deep down in your heart i know you know i don't mean a single word i say
and when i realize it a bit too late, i end up ruining your day
plus i know you know that's not what i intentionally try to do
eventually getting mad at myself when your rainbow ends up turning blue
all i ever wanted to do is to keep you happy every second we're together
but sometimes the words don't come out to make you feel any better
and im not trying to abuse my talent yet i turn to writing you a flow
where my words come out strong from my heart letting my emotions go
so you can understand my pain, that's why only to you i share
Even though I know it hurts you, the least you show you care
So for those reasons I'm destined to stay with you
Forever and ever babie, you'll always be my boo <3

Only You Can Handle

I know I haven't wrote to you in such a long time
but if im not wrong, i assume you miss the daily rhymes
since i'm here in baskin robbins chillin with the homie
looking at all the heart cakes reminds me of my wifey
& how much i know she enjoys reading my amateur flows
so without further ado, here I go (=


Even when I'm out chillin', catching up with my homie
theres never a single second I don't think about my wifey
You amaze me with everything you do; whether big or small
& what amazes me the most is you manage to catch me right before I fall
Not a lot of people in this world would do the things that you do
better yet nobody could and I proudly announce it's true
because only you can handle every single pain I put you through
& when push came to shove, you held onto me like super strong glue
plus how many girl in this world could put with so much pain & stand by their man
not alot really could & it's amazing my princess can
instead of leaving to turn your back and walk out the door
you remained by my side and loved me even more
not only just that, you do all you can in your power just to keep me happy
do all you can to calm me down on times when im snappy
girl, what can I say ? you're super loving
& only last thing, girl you're amazing

Only My Baby, Stephanie

I used to love having fun, toying bitches being single
now i'm in love with the brightest star that twinkle

how lucky i am just to have her in my life
anyone that fucks with her can talk to my knife
cause ill go all out to anyone that hurts my wife

i do what i can to keep a smile on her face
& when we lock legs i put her breathing in a race
knock her out of space

enjoy every moment that we have together
thinking of leaving her lonely, never

you and i forever
til i die im always gonna love her

only you, only my baby
easy said, i love you stephanie.

Grenade Cover

The way that you love me girl is unbelievable
its the way you are beautiful and kissable
that makes me function makes me movable
your the sun that shines bright in my life
so perfect enough to be my only wife

its everything about you,
the way you make me feel
and when you say you say you love me,
without a doubt its real

plus you ain't simply simple; you're very unique
you're a perfect ten with a goddess physique
where no girl could ever take your place as my boo
because all the vows you made, every bit was true
so always you and I stuck together like glue
And because of that reason, forever i love you .
And something I know that you understand is

(Chorus)


I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
Cause you would do the same